I don’t know the exact number, but I’m sure it’s less than zero.

Yeah, you wouldn’t want to get fired by Walmart. You’d have to go on welfa… oh.

The U.S. is getting gender reassignment surgery.

• some assembly required, not valid in all states, may cause premature death

I didn’t see it happen, but I saw the aftermath. A small car was crushed between two large trucks in the left lane of the highway. When I drove by, the crushed car was completely unrecognizable as a car. Just a pile of compacted metal and plastic. You couldn’t even tell what was the front or the back.

When I got to work, I checked the news to see what happened to the driver of the car.

No significant injuries, just some scratches. She laid down across the front seat and slid down under the dashboard and managed to find the one space that wasn’t completely compacted.

Listening to the NPR Up First podcast, they mentioned that Kamala is going on podcasts. They did point out that the podcast hosts don’t have journalistic training.

Kind of disappointing, but understandable coming from people who went to school for journalism.

Thank God climate change isn’t real or this would be concerning.

You win.

Who took a shit in your cornflakes?

Pacino is allowed to discuss his experiences, particularly since so many people are interested. It’s not like he broke into your house and forced you to listen. Someone asked him to talk, someone wrote about it, and we read it.

Where’s Edward R. Murrow when you need him?

I should clarify another detail. Part of the reason we’re visiting my parents is because I’m not expecting him to be around much longer. I know my dad is going to die soon. He’s got type 2 diabetes, fibrosis of the lungs, and congestive heart failure. He was just taken into the hospital this past week because he collapsed at a doctor’s appointment, and he had just been released a couple days before we visited.

I’m having this heated argument with him, temporarily oblivious to the fact that he could have a stroke right there. Both my wife and my mom are trying to get the argument to stop because they realize it, but they are both also still arguing quietly along.

It would be funny if it wasn’t so damn tragic.

I have a brother and sister who both live close to our parents, and neither of them visited during or after his hospital stay.

Yesterday my wife suggested that we shouldn’t visit until after the election, but I can’t do that because I’m not sure he’ll live that long.

My wife and I visited my parents yesterday, and got in an argument with them. They were spewing out all of Trump’s lies, and we had enough.

Of course, we didn’t start the conversation. My dad did. He does this because he wants the fight.

My mom doesn’t want the confrontation, although she thinks we’re being deluded by the satanic communist Kamala conspiracy. She makes snide comments to her friends about us, which we know because she’s not competent with texting, so she accidentally sent it to my wife once.

I’m not like all the people who think Trump corrupted their parents. It’s just not the case with my parents. Trump is the candidate they waited their whole lives for, and it’s very clear the only things they will believe are the things Trump says.

There is definitely something wrong with me. I cannot bring myself to cut them off.

my wife and I visited my parents yesterday.

The base isn’t listening.

I thought it was about selling the bridge as a toll bridge.

I’m thinking Musk may be in a “Brewster’s Millions” situation, in which he needs to spend every penny he has and end up with absolutely no assets in order to win an even larger fortune.

If we’re really, really lucky, someone scammed him to think that he’d win a fortune, and after he’s lost everything he’ll discover there’s no fortune.

Well, duh.

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Sounds like the Amish would be ok with a robotic vacuum as long as it charged itself from a solar panel.

Democrats see a mentally ill person standing on the corner ranting and raving and shouting insane gibberish, and they think it’s sad and we should help that poor person.

Republicans see the same thing and think we should elect that poor person.

And smoke. Don’t forget about the smoke