Put both candidates in a field with a bunch of cows for 24 hours. Neither candidate is allowed to move. The candidate with the most cow plops on them at the end of voting is the winner.

This also prepares you for public forum meetings.

jokes on all of them I’m full of bones

you don’t video call your cat in the middle of the day to make sure they got their tuna juice?

well now I think you did

we’re gonna have to make a new hurricane scale aren’t we

why? modders will do that for them

Is it cowboy times yet

I have been getting texts

Tacos

You put it in a septic tank to get the poop out

Don’t forget

As a shitty musician and nonprofit fundraiser those events are my livelihood. I’m going to take advantage of my hootiness.

That’s just when your rhythm wakes you. Put up some blackouts (and put in some high quality earplugs), go to bed later, and it’d be 11 easy enough.

If I remember, i’ll try to take pictures because it is one of those recipes I invented myself without measuring spoons. One step is: pour out a 3cm diameter circle of mustard seed into your mortar, then half-heartedly pestle the shit out of it because it’s delightful to get a mustard pop in the middle of your soup. The rest is just “add spices and wait for the damn can to heat up” because it’s a lazy recipe.

Have you tested sumac? Sometimes the nicer med restaurants around here will sprinkle that spice on their dishes.

What? I’m not into pokemon

So I don’t know coconut carrot soup, but I put mustard seed in my tomato soup (I know it sounds weird, but I have a recipe I’ve been developing for years)

I can imagine. That must rule out most storebought broths (I don’t know about stocks) since mirepoix (celery/onion/carrot) is how you start delicious broth. I can’t eat poultry and they put chicken bouillon on bbq lays potato chips. That was a fun discovery.

I’m allergic to poultry. Do you know how many places consider chicken broth vegetarian? (yeah I know about the better than bouillon faux chicken broth. I can eat that I just think their veggie broth tastes better) I can’t/won’t eat soup I don’t make myself anymore just out of self-preservation. I’ll go to a vegan-friendly place though. Thank gods for them. They actually take it seriously (sometimes), and will at least tell you.

But yeah, my point is folk can have the most bizarre allergies. It’s nice to have everything labeled. Fuck cans that say “spices” or “natural flavors” on them. People need to know.